hurricane katrina

Gargoyle's Delusions

My mother-in-law, Ms Larda, is back home in Chalmette.

Not a minute too soon. She says she can’t never show her face in Folsom again.

She had been staying there on the North Shore with my daughter Gumdrop while her house was getting fixed after Katrina. Thank God it’s ready.

What happened was, last Wednesday she got up at 5:30 a.m. in Folsom and went to make her coffee, like she does every morning, only this morning there ain’t no coffee left in the canister. Nobody else in the house drinks coffee except Gumdrop, and she can’t do that now that she is pregnant again.

Hurricane Columns Intro

Up until Katrina, Modine Gunch was Everywoman who fought with pantyhose until they went out of style, shoved dirty dishes into the oven when her mother-in-law was coming up the walk, shudderingly oversaw school science projects involving roaches, and insisted that a dish that didn’t survive the dishwasher didn’t deserve to live.

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FEMA Trailers

Half the people in Chalmette can’t fit into their FEMA showers. That’s why they got all them hoses rigged up on poles next to the trailers.

FEMA Trailers (cont.)

Because of modesty purposes, most people only shower at night. Which is why you should never drive around the parish after 9 p.m. with night goggles on, unless you are a pervert.

Hygiene

You can always smell your armpit, but you can never tell about your breath. This is one of them little tricks God plays on us to keep us from getting too proud.

Motherhood

Nobody can say my sister-in-law Gloriosa ain’t a good mother. There are a lot of evils in this world, and her kids ain’t going to enjoy any of them.

Weddings

Gloriosa is so gorgeous that no matter how she’s dressed, once she jiggles up the aisle, nobody will take their eyes off her, even if the bride marches in stark naked and playing a trumpet.